Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
