i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
