I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
