So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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