You just made me feel so damn special
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
