I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
