I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
