tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
