Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it hurts more in the daytime
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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