Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
