1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
