Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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