I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
