He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
