my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
