Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
