I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
