quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is my life. Enjoy the view
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
