i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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