Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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