I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You were trust falling into bushes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
