Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
