I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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