can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
