My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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