This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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