if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
