sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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