i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
