I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
