guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
