five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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