I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
