tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
