well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
