Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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