i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
