i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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