I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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