I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How's work?
Spinning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
