Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
