Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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