you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
