i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
