Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
