he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
