I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
