You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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