the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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