Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
