I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
